"Man, I Understand" - Love Letters to Black Men

 May 18, 2023     I grew up as an incurable mediator. I'm the oldest child and only boy in my household. Eldest children often inherit the role of third adult and parental translator. I'm also the older brother to my younger sister and it has been my honor to be her protector and intimidator-in-residence . You can add my time as a team captain in football to the list as well as my professional training as a counselor, and I possess the chemical composition for a tragic superhero. Finally, I am the proud father of six beautiful children and I deeply believe that it's my personal responsibility to prepare them for and protect them from the world.      DEI work in schools became the perfect trap for me. It fueled my Savior Complex from my childhood and perpetuated my personal pattern of solving other people's problems and carrying other people's weight. At 42 years old, I've grown pardonably tired of jumping in other people's fights and I feel like the "A...

  March 6, 2023     There's an itch that I've been trying to scratch for quite some time now. I was born in 1981 and grew up in Jersey City, NJ. I have lived through the HIV-AIDS epidemic, the terrorism of the "War on Drugs", mass incarceration, a few recessions, re-districting and redlining, gun violence, mass shootings, police-involved murders, COVID-19, a riot at our nation's capital - and YET I fear that there's a social condition that's worse - Cancel Culture and Woke-ness. On first blush, this sounds like a false equivocation, but hang in there...I never disappoint. The term "cancel culture" was introduced into the American lexicon a few years ago to describe the mechanism by which an individual or organization can be disenfranchised as a result of making an offensive remark, statement, work of art, or commercial product. Individuals and organizations that have been "canceled" have been terminated from employment or contracts, soc...

  January 8, 2023 Peace Friends,     Allow me to play judge, jury, lawyer, and client as I put myself on trial . I turned 42 earlier this week and as each year passes, I become more contemplative, circumspect, and uncomfortably honest with myself. This year, I was confronted with a searing question about my professional journey that I'd like to answer, out loud, in front of all of you. By the way, I was the one who confronted myself, decided to try myself, to judge myself, exonerate myself, and present the trial to you - you'll turn 42 one day(fun times).  Presentation of the Charges: Not Being a Good Employee 1. Doesn't work well with others. 2. Doesn't follow the rules as written. 3. Doesn't respond positively to not having his ideas considered. 4. Impatient with process-oriented work. 5. Unrelenting when he feels he's right. Preliminary Verdict: Guilty on all charges. While I am certain that there's a longer list available if you survey all of my previou...

 January 3, 2023     "To have and to hold..." Those are the words. When it comes to Black Superman, most people want to have us and to hold us - but only ornamentally. Black men have often been a prized hood ornament for sports teams, schools, corporations, churches, police forces, and in our military. We're great to look at - the genetics, the swag, the bravado, the residual benefit that culture vultures get - indeed we are great to look at... but will you listen to us, follow our lead, or care about our needs? I'm not sure who's been there but it's a sinking feeling when you believed that you were the engine of the vehicle, only to discover that you were just a hood ornament.     As men, we have a fair hand in accountability for abusing the roles and authority we've been given in our homes and families as it relates to this phenomenon(and I leave you to your therapist or marriage counselor or divorce attorney), but for my purposes here, I'm referr...

 January 2, 2023 "I can't tell the truth unless I put a punchline on it."  - Dave Chappelle " Tact is the ability to tell people to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip."   - Winston Churchill     Comedic spin is how I learned to cope with trauma. In many ways, I was raised by the greatest comedians in human history - Pryor, Foxx, Dolemite, Murphy, Carlin, Lopez, Rock, Hart, Sommore, Harvey, Hughley, and my personal GOAT - Dave Chappelle. As a child(who was definitely too young to be watching blue comedy, but to be fair, I snuck and watched), I was enamored by their ability to use comedy as a vehicle to shed light on taboo topics, bring levity to tragedy, and most impactfully - unite people over divisive realities . I have a pretty photographic memory, so I remember jokes, quotes, and moments pretty easily, so I could always recite jokes and important quotes on command.       Chris Rock once said(of a true racial equa...

 January 1, 2023 Last night, I stayed up with my children to clink goblets of sparkling apple cider to celebrate the new year 2023. While overjoyed  that I could be with my children, I've had this nagging guilt over why I was so numb about the "New Year's Wanderlust". I didn't feel like I left 2022 in 2022 nor did I really feel like embracing 2023 while still pulling out the thorns from 2022. That was until, the inspiration hit me to start this blog, to create this space, to get these words on paper. I'm a 41-year old African-American male, a first-generation college graduate born and raised in Jersey City, NJ, a father to six children, and since 2019, I've bloomed into a professional brand that has allowed me to earn an income in the American 1% ... and ALL of the weight of the expectations that come with it: - The societal and familial need for Black Superman. - The corporate fetishizing and crucifixion of the "charismatic black man". - The per...