"Man, I Understand!" Writing to Save My Life


 January 1, 2023


Last night, I stayed up with my children to clink goblets of sparkling apple cider to celebrate the new year 2023. While overjoyed  that I could be with my children, I've had this nagging guilt over why I was so numb about the "New Year's Wanderlust". I didn't feel like I left 2022 in 2022 nor did I really feel like embracing 2023 while still pulling out the thorns from 2022. That was until, the inspiration hit me to start this blog, to create this space, to get these words on paper. I'm a 41-year old African-American male, a first-generation college graduate born and raised in Jersey City, NJ, a father to six children, and since 2019, I've bloomed into a professional brand that has allowed me to earn an income in the American 1% ... and ALL of the weight of the expectations that come with it:

- The societal and familial need for Black Superman.

- The corporate fetishizing and crucifixion of the "charismatic black man".

- The personal temptation to prostitute and monetize your intellectual property and cultural capital.

- The social skepticism of black success(lightning in a bottle or a flash in the pan).

- The generational trauma associated with being "better than your father".

- The gender expectations that men provide, protect, lead, bleed, and die without complaint or requite.

- ALL of it....can and DOES lead many men, like me to self-destructive behavior(men from many backgrounds suffer, but black men experience it most acutely, plus I'm black, so...) 

If you're a Black man or love one, PLEASE hear me CLEARLY. The phenomena I just described IS NOT your invitation to:

- A dysfunctional rescue.

- To assuage your own guilt by talking to US about how YOU feel.

- To stage an unwise family intervention. 

ALL we need you to do is to tell us - MAN, I UNDERSTAND. 

Men experiencing these pressures and responding to this trauma just need to be believed, seen, and heard. I know it's often hard to see a "strong man" as being in desperate need of your soft words, or quiet presence, or your affirmation, but TRUST me - the BEST start to being an effective help to us is to tell us that you UNDERSTAND. I was so deeply impacted by the suicide of Stephen "Twitch" Boss, and while the details(which are not our business) never surfaced, I deeply connected with the success, pressure, loneliness, and hopelessness someone in that position must feel. I've been there. When you're blessed with a gift to make the world brighter, no one cares if you burn.

I'm starting this blog and space entitled, "Man, I Understand", in an effort to participate in my own mental health and hopefully, it can become a space for black men (and those who love us)to share. My goal is to get one post up each day, so please stay tuned as I'll post on my LinkedIn, IG(@chapternverse), and Facebook.

*If you are struggling with the decision to face the day, please dial *988 from your mobile device or landline.*

Please also feel free to contact me directly at LawrenceQ2@gmail.com

It's TOTALLY ok to feel like you're walking on water one day and drowning at the bottom of the ocean the next. TRUST ME - I UNDERSTAND.

Sincerely Present,

L.A.

Comments

  1. Arian L. BryantJanuary 2, 2023 at 9:07 AM

    This is an important conversation that does not get the space and attention it deserves. I identify with what you are sharing. Thank you for sharing your insight and brilliance.

    ReplyDelete

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